After spending spring depriving, master cleansing, and crossfitting your body into tip-top bikini shape, you deserve to show off those flattened abs at the beach this summer. But, fall is right around the corner. It’s never too early to start fattening up your svelte body for scarf season. Thankfully between grilled burgers, fried chicken, and frozen cocktails, summer’s delectable treats make it easy to pack on extra LBs. Follow these tips to safely gain one to two pounds a week, and your bod will be disappointing enough to hide under layers come autumn!
- Go to a game. Summer is the time to celebrate America’s favorite pastime: eating! And there’s no better place to do it than the ballpark. Hot dogs, peanuts, and crackerjacks? Partake in all with zero guilt. Remember, you’re shaping your body for cooler weather.
- Scream for ice cream. For most of the year, ice cream is reserved for eating privately, in a closet, during a breakup. But for a whole three months it’s okay, and even fashionable, to eat ice cream out in public, without shame! Stand tall, proudly show off that sea salt caramel cone and order extra sprinkles on your sundae. If anyone asks about that triple scoop, you’re gearing up or sweater season.
- Gorge on fruit. Everyone knows summer is all about watermelon! And while it’s the perfect poolside warm-weather snack, it’s hardly going to help your body get comfortably lumpy in time for fall. Deep fry it!
- Enjoy the outdoors. Fill a basket, find a park, and go on a romantic picnic. When it comes to packing on flab, that crusty baguette is your best friend. Don't forget to double down on wine and cheese!
- Scarf down summer snacks. Popsicles and sorbets are cool and refreshing, but if you really want to commit to the perfect frumpy body for fall, park a sno cone truck in your front yard. You know what they say: A sno cone a day keeps the pounds at bay!
- Kabob it up at a BBQ. Summer barbecues are a great time to socialize with friends, soak up rays, and of course indulge in grilled meats! Skip the veggie trays and corn on the cob. Instead mainline the potato salad.
- Slouch. If you’ve been cursed with a fast metabolism and have trouble packing on those pounds, slump into poor posture. You’ll disengage your core muscles and look fatter even if you haven’t gained an ounce. Need an example to perfect your slouch? Drop by a mall to observe angsty teenagers at Hot Topic. Oh, and while you’re there, pick up a soft pretzel.
- Adjust your workouts. Spring was all about pushing yourself in spin class and strengthening that core in pilates. Trade in those workouts for summer hammock naps. Simply recline in a hammock with a good book or daydream until you fall asleep. Repeat three times a week for at least 20 minutes. You know what pairs well with hammock naps? Nachos.
- Fairs, concerts, and festivals. Head to an outside concert, amusement park, renaissance fair, or other crowded festival that serves turkey legs, mini donuts, and deep fried Snickers. The longer the line to the food truck, the higher the calorie content. Gobble up that funnel cake; fall is coming soon!